Middle School Trauma
By Melvin Hayden
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As a middle school dad of a young daughter, I find myself saying this too shall pass. I wanted my daughter to know that middle school can be scary, fun, exciting, challenging and most of all informative for both good and bad reasons. I addressed bullying with my kid and the mean things children say. Children are horrified with their bodies, mortified by public praise, nobody can be trusted with your inner most secrets (it’s all gossip to them) and this is where they start to pull away from parents without realizing they are still kids. Economic background, culture and race will always be a part of who they are, but it does not change the growing cycle of emotions.
I want every parent or child to know what I taught my daughter about bullying. Regardless of what you think, we all have bullied or been bullied to a certain extent. We need to know what it looks like in all forms, shapes and sizes. Today you can be victim - tomorrow you could be the bully. Bullying no longer identifies as just hitting or intimidating someone and social media has become the primary source of virtual hitting or intimation. I encourage anybody with a bullying problem to reach out and solve the problem. I hope this helps start the conversation. I am applying a biblical approach because it is whom I am and if it is not you, let it become you. Enjoy!
The Bible has many short, easy-to-remember phrases full of insight and spiritual advice. These phrases are even better when someone adds a twist to an ancient saying to make it relevant to modern life. Recently, I ran across one of these twists that really made me think, and it changed my whole attitude toward what we may think of as "problems."
We have all heard the Biblical phrase, "and it came to pass." You find this saying sprinkled liberally throughout the Bible. Most of us think of this phrase as meaning, "and then this happened." But I think a better understanding of this verse comes from someone who put a modern twist on this well-known phrase. It didn't say, “and it came to stay”. I love this turn of the phrase and when I first heard it, I laughed, but then I realized how profound it is. How profound and how true! Physical, material things and experiences are ever-changing. These things are never permanent. The changeless mind of spirit creates the ever-changing expression of itself.
The permanent creates the impermanent. The timeless creates the time sensitive. The infinite creates the finite.
This idea of, "it came to pass, not to stay" is a great way to deal with what we might call our "troubles". When you are going through a hard time, just remember it will pass. It was never meant to stay in our experience. It came to pass so that we may learn something. It came to pass so that we may expand and grow. It came to pass so that we could become aware of our subconscious beliefs and change them.
Consider difficult times related to money or the lack thereof. This kind of experience gives us a chance to deal with our beliefs about prosperity and money. If we believe that money is the root of all evil, wouldn't the Law logically deduce that it needs to keep money away from us? We might not even be aware we have such beliefs, but that is what experiences do for us. They show us the beliefs we did not even know we have, but beliefs strong enough to create our situations. This lack of money came to us so that we have the opportunity to develop our prosperity consciousness which, in turn, will make it pass. It did not come to stay!
Build this attitude of "it came to pass, not to stay" as you face your challenges. We all have challenges because Life is in a continuous progression of growth. Life does not stand still. Challenges make us move forward. We will never be without our challenges, but when we realize that all challenges are just chances to change and grow, we won't be devastated by them. We won't be immobilized by them. They came to pass, so let's help them on their way!
For parents who have middle school kids, apply these principles to help your children battle their way through the daily hassles of middle school trauma and watch God move on their behalf.